Change the Questions to Change Who You Meet

Rajesh Setty

You want to meet that powerful someone (let’s call him John for now) and you know your friend (let’s call him Joe) knows John. Joe and John have been friends for a while.

Problem solved, you think.

You approach Joe and ask him to introduce you to John.

It should take less than two minutes to make a phone call or send an email to John and really that’s it - problem is solved.

But… that’s not what happened. Joe mentions to you that he will check with John if he wants to take a meeting and if yes, he would be happy to connect you both.

You are heartbroken.

You can’t wait to meet with John and discuss your new project and now Joe is putting all the road blocks along the way.

Not good, you think.

Think about what happened here.

The questions you had going in your mind is:

How can I meet with John so that I can make get some help with my project?

How can I make my project a priority for John?

Now, really think about these questions. They look like the following:

A. How can I meet with John so that I can make get some help with MY project?

B. How can I make MY project a priority for John?

The Real Problem

John is busy, powerful and is involved in many projects of his own. Because of who he is, he gets a LOT of requests to get his "mindshare" on other projects. He has standard responsesfor random people that reach out to him. The answer for such requests is generally NO unless there is a generic answer that could be easily re-purposed for this user. Example, if the question was about “how to pitch to an investor” and John had a blog post or a video about it, John would easily take a few seconds and point them to that resource. If the question involved elaborate thinking and going back and forth with the random person, it was a quick “good luck and good bye” told in a super professional manner - again he had pre-written material to disengage. Not surprising because John has “limited spare time” to handle such requests.

[Note: If John was using a service like WittyParrot, it would take him literally a few seconds to field multiple requests by the power of reuse]

The model changes if the request comes from a person who was referred by a friend. John pays more attention in the order of priority that goes something like this (low to high)

A. The person was referred by an acquaintance
B. The person was referred by a friend
C. The person was referred by a close friend
D. The person was referred by a close friend to whom John is obligated
E. The person was referred by a close friend to whom John is obligated and the request is something that is on a topic of interest for John
F. The person was referred by a close friend to whom John is obligated and the request is something that is on a topic of interest for John AND the requester goes “out of the way” to make it meaningful to John.

The real problem is that very few requests belong to “Type F” and hence gets limited attention from John. His “limited spare time” goes to help “Type F” requests.

The Solution

The solution lies in YOU changing the questions AND your actions. Let us revisit the questions again. They were:

How can I meet with John so that I can make get some help with MY project?

How can I make MY project a priority for John?

Let us change the questions as follows:

A. What should I BECOME and what should I DO to make my project “worthy of” John’s attention?

B. How can I be a “positive possibility” in John’s future?

The shift is not subtle. It is a shift from “ME” to “THEM.” It is about giving first before expecting any return. It is about moving away from being entitled for anyone’s time, attention andmindshare. It is about being and doing that will take you to a place of “deserving.”

Change the questions and you will change who you will meet.